Self-Actualized You and Me

I came across this fabulous article/excerpt from my favorite Filipino celebrity blogger, Jim Paredes. Once again, he nails it down when I am in the midst of my self-pondering reverie. 

He asks, "Are you a Self-Actualizer"? By reading the following points, I am asking and looking within once again.

The 19 Characteristics of Abraham Maslow’s Self-Actualizer:

1. Perception of Reality: These individuals tend to have a “superior relationship with reality” and are “generally unthreatened and unfrightened by the unknown.” In fact, “They accept it, are comfortable with it, and, often are even more attracted by it than by the known. They not only tolerate the ambiguous and unstructured–they like it.”

2. Acceptance: “Even the normal member of our culture feels unnecessarily guilty or ashamed about too many things and has anxiety in too many situations. Our healthy individuals find it possible to accept themselves and their own nature without chagrin or complaint or, for that matter, without even thinking about the matter that much.”

3. Spontaneity: The behavior of the self-actualizing individual is “marked by simplicity and naturalness, and by lack of artificiality or straining for effect.”

4. Problem Centering: Self-actualizers customarily have some “mission in life.”

5. Solitude: Self-actualizing individuals “positively like solitude and privacy to a definitely greater degree than the average person.”

6. Autonomy: “They have become strong enough to be independent of the good opinion of other people, or even of their affection. The honors, the status, the rewards, the popularity, the prestige, and the love they can bestow must have become less important than self-development and inner growth.”

7. Fresh Appreciation: “Self-actualizing people have the wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder and even ecstasy, however stale these experiences may have become to others.”

8. Peak Experiences: It’s been called “flow” or “being in the zone.” Whatever you want to call it, self-actualizers tend to experience it more often than average.

9. Human Kinship: “Self-actualizing people have a deep feeling of identification, sympathy, and affection for human beings in general. They feel kinship and connection, as if all people were members of a single family.” “Self-actualizing individuals have a genuine desire to help the human race.”

10. Humility and Respect: All of Maslow’s subjects “may be said to be democratic people in the deepest sense…they can be friendly with anyone of suitable character, regardless of class, education, political belief, race or color. As a matter of fact it often seems as if they are not aware of these differences, which are for the average person so obvious and so important.”

11. Interpersonal Relationships: “Self-actualizing people have these especially deep ties with rather few individuals. Their circle of friends is rather small. The ones that they love profoundly are few in number.”

12. Ethics: “They do right and do not do wrong. Needless to say, their notions of right and wrong and of good and evil are often not the conventional ones.”

13. Means and Ends: “They are fixed on ends rather than on means, and means are quite definitely subordinated to these ends.”

14. Humor: “They do not consider funny what the average person considers to be funny. Thus they do not laugh at hostile humor (making people laugh by hurting someone) or superiority humor (laughing at someone else’s inferiority) or authority-rebellion humor (the unfunny, Oedipal, or smutty joke).”

15. Creativity: “This is a universal characteristic of all the people studied or observed. There is no exception.”

16. Resistance to Enculturation: “Of all of them it may be said that in a certain profound and meaningful sense they resist enculturation and maintain a certain inner detachment from the culture in which they are immersed.”

17. Imperfections: Actualizers “show many of the lesser human failings. They too are equipped with silly, wasteful, or thoughtless habits. They can be boring, stubborn, irritating. They are by no means free from a rather superficial vanity, pride, partiality to their own productions, family, friends, and children. Temper outbursts are not rare.”

18. Values: “A firm foundation for a value system is automatically furnished to self-actualizers by their philosophic acceptance of the nature of self, of human nature, of much of social life, and of nature and physical reality.”

19. Resolution of Dichotomies: “The dichotomy between selfishness and unselfishness disappears altogether in healthy people because in principle every act is both selfish and unselfish.”

Living Ramadan

Ramadan ended yesterday on its 30th day in Oman. While most of the Muslim world started celebrating Eid, we were behind a day here for the moon wasn't properly sighted on the night that was to mark the end of Ramadan. It is a joyous occasion to be celebrating. Ramadan -a full month of fasting, abstinence from worldly pleasures and Islamic faith reflections- finally concluded early today. 

My first Ramadan experience was a learning one. It wasn't as strict or severe as I had presupposed. In fact, there was something very calm and equanimous about it. The whole month just saw everybody fasting from sunrise to sunset. At work, me and non-muslim colleagues would eat and drink privately, away from our Muslim co-workers. Any sight of acts of drinking,eating, chewing or even swallowing was not to be shown. We had to be modest in our way of dressing. That meant long sleeves. longskirts/pants covering the ankles. It also applied to the clavicle coverage for women. I didn't stop going to the private beach to swim (the only place one's allowed to wear a bikini in an enclosed environment) but drinking water in public was also a no-no there. And neither was drinking water in your car. Everything that you'd normally be able to do in public like drinking and eating were not allowed during Ramadan. It is part of the culture and I respected that by being mindful at all times.

I took part in a Ramadan Food Collection drive initiated by Art of Living Oman. I invited my colleagues to donate food items such as rice and sugar to be distributed to needy Omani families during Eid. It felt good to partake in sharing one's resources. And to get into the spirit of Ramadan Kareem.

"Ramadan Kareem" means Ramadan is generous. Generosity was certainly seen alive as it was promoted with in various sales all over the country!

One of the most interesting things I liked about Ramadan was the awesome car deals. I was told that it was during this time that car showrooms go crazy with incredible sales. As I had been thinking of buying a brand new car lately I took this opp to take a stroll with my friend Yahya to some car showrooms. It was very exciting to check out Peugot, Mazda, Chevrolet, GM, Ford etc. I didn't know much about cars (although I had owned some second-hands before) but showroom hopping taught me thing or two! One thing I noted was the fledgling customer service skills of some of the sales reps. One guy from Mazda, upon knowing that I wanted to check out the Mazda Ultra6 ( sporty version) asked about my salary and marital status! I mean...was this necessary? I was so turned off that I immediately asked Yahya to leave. What I found the best in customer service (a trait so important to me having been in CS industry for years before becoming a teacher) was The Ford Salesguy. I'll call him Ravi.He was Mr. Ford! He knew his product, elaborating on the engineering and design of the car. He actively engaged me in getting to know Ford Focus Trend ( a sexy roomy hatchback) by explaining all the latest features, global this and global that. On top of that, he also drew up a payment plan for me! All this in one visit! I was so positively overwhelmed that I told him I'd definitely think about it. (Hmmm... Ford Focus- what an inspirational name for a car!)

Iftar buffet meals were the other thing that was so apparent during Ramadan season. Iftar refers to the evening meal when Muslims break their fast. The newspapers ads on Iftar Buffets -from 5-star hotels to family restaurants- were dizzying! I am not keen on buffets per se as I like a la carte with freshly cooked and piping hot meals, but I did try a couple of these Iftar buffets to get in the spirit. One place we went to was Kargeen, a beautiful Omani restaurant that has a rustic Arabian interior (it boasts the biggest chandelier any restaurant can hold), and where outside you can sit under large tents on benches and cushions covered with Bedu woolen weavings among potted plants, frangipani and bougainville trees.  For only RO. 4.5 (about $CAD15) The buffet servings were outstanding in variety- all of Middle Eastern, European and SE Asian fares. The time we were there it was wall to wall packed! Unbelievable! There was a mad rush to the buffet tables. Interesting! I thought that maybe all that 12-hour fast made them surge with energy to the sumptuous feast that awaited. I could only imagine what it was like in other Iftar buffets all over Muscat!

Naturally the bars were closed. No alcohol consumption anywhere for a month. However, being a member of  Internations (a private online club for expats), we could enjoy some of our western "libations" at least twice in the month. Privately of course, held at some private venue. Actually, it didn't matter to me. As much as I love my ocassional vino, it made no difference whether the bars were open or not. Or whether there was a place to procure drinks. I was fully-stocked at home and was satisfied with occasional glass or two of Cab Sauvs, solo or with Tutti Beiruti. But funny to see fellow Western expats though at such venues. A kind of desperation to drink, if you will. But surely they have had stocked up at home too having maxed out their liquor quota, I presume.

One of the most enjoyable things during Ramadan was listening to the radio (from an FM station based in Salalah, south of Oman) at around 9pm nightly for some Islamic words of wisdom from a venerated Omani Muslim scholar, whom I remembered only by his first name, Khalfan. Every evening I would turn on the radio (car or home) and listen to nuggets of wisdom from this holy man. In English, in good plain simply comprehensible English and language for the common man. He would quote from the Koran, and relate it to contemporary issues such as self-esteem, depression, loneliness as well as global issues like poverty, hunger, domestic violence etc. I loved listening to him talk. He was eloquent, well-versed in the scriptures, compassionate. Apart from being an Islamic scholar, he was also a psychologist and listening to him talk was like listening to one of those Self-Help audiobooks by Dr.Wayne Dyer. His commentaries and shared wisdoms enabled me to get a glimpse of Islam. Not only that, I re-learned the time-honored lessons on love and compassion.  I also had this learning experience from daily articles in the newspaper. Everyday during Ramadan, there was an article about the steadfast faith and the way of life of the Muslims. An illumined soul I have become learning about Islam. I was learning about Allah, His Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) and His people.

Ramadan made me realize the beauty of appreciating Islam. Admittedly, I am new to the whole gig. It has also made me gain the respect for my Muslim brothers and sisters. As a raised - but- nonpractising Catholic Christian, I learned that whether it is Islam, Hinduism or Buddhism (all of which I have experienced living with now), we are all fundamentally the same. We all have the same God, called differently by different names. We all have the same core to our humanity which propels us to live, and that is to love oneself and one another. Love moves the world!

It is beautiful to be here in Oman during Ramadan. A good time to reflect on life, on service and solidarity, on love and compassion. And though Ramadan itself has ended, it also marks the renewal and rebirth of the spirit- of every single Muslim brothers and sisters in the world. And even for non-muslims like myself, I share in the inspiration and rejuvenation. I too felt that I was cleansed for the month, maybe just being around them and the awareness had made me feel this way.

While Eid marks the end of Ramadan, it also heralds the beginning of life anew. It's like Christmas! I am excited to make new observations on Eid this week. One week of Eid holidays and the Sultanate is ablazed!

And so the joyous partying of Eid holidays begins. A huge line-up of festivities abound in the capital city. And I also see the Oman Consumer Exhibit is in full gear (shopping galore!). Most Omanis are back in their villages, for ceremonial cow slaughtering and familial visits. The energy is brand new, fresh and it is riveting! 

 

Eid Mubarak to all!

Celebrating The 4th Decade

As-salaam-alaykum! I'm back on blogsphere. No more excuses. I blogged off for a while.  To be honest, I feel it's a bit of a challenge keeping up a blog, but I keep trying. Especially now that I have re-discovered, unearthed and exhumed my Pure Inspiration (the title of this blog). After all I am exercising my right to 'start again'.

So much has transpired in the last 9 months of being in Oman. With all its combinations of positives and negatives, the good outweighs the bad by far. Since May ( the month of my last entry here), I feel that I have undergone quite a metamorphosis.

Here's a breakdown of Intdiva's life from May to present:

MAY

Went to India on my 40th birthday. My second time and this time, I chose to stay at the Art of Living ashram in Bangalore. I have been an AOL member for nearly 4 years now, having taken the Part 1 Course (an amazing stress-bustin' Breathing workshop) in Japan, shortly after my first trip to India. Now I am living in Oman where the AOL is a very active organization, I have since then repeated the AOL Part 1 Course and have taken various other courses on meditation, yoga and personal development. Art of Living rocks and continue to rock my world! I spent 4 days doing an Advance Meditation course at the ashram in Bangalore. I celebrated my birthday in a blissful silent retreat. I also met with His Holiness, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar in person. I also had the special privilege to be garlanded by him on the occasion of my birthday, May 22nd after the satsang . It was one amazing and truly beautiful experience...

(I will be writing a separate entry on my AOL experience in the ashram soon.)

Attending the satsang at the Art of Living ashram on my birthday, May 22nd, 2009

Being in India the second time around was an eye-opener. Not only do I mean that with my physical and metaphorical eyes, but also it pertains to my "third eye". Having done the advance yoga and meditation courses, being in silence for a few days, having met some amazing like-minded souls all helped in the opening of the 6th chakra, the third eye.

More of India in a separate entry. Or separate blog on Intdiva Travels (under construction).

JUNE

This month saw me being busy at work. I was assigned to teach the Young Learner's Summer School. My school, The British Training Institute (CfBT) has an English summer program for teens (13-17 years). At first I resisted the idea of teaching teens again (for I was a bit tired of teaching this age group in Japan for 9 years already), but I was surprised at myself for actually enjoying it. I then realized that I thrived at teaching the youth, for the feeling of empowerment (for them as well as for me) was resurrected. I thoroughly enjoyed teaching the Omani youth, for they're a very interested, fun, polite, courteous and  Allah-loving bunch!

 

Some cool high school girls from Samail, a village 1hr-away from Muscat.

This was also the month where I started to feel H O T in Muscat. I mean, temperature- wise.  I started to feel the heat ooze in my aparment: on my kitchen countertops, in my shower emitting hot water instead of cold although the tap's turned onto cold, in the fog that accumulates in my eyeglasses upon opening my veranda windows to greet the scorching morning sun. Average highs of 40ºc+ became increasingly normal. Meanwhile, Intdiva sweating profusely became also embarassingly normal.

JULY

Once upon a time, on a  fine day at the beach, at my fave hangout, Oman Dive Center, I met a group of Lebanese men.  

One of them caught my eye. I caught his. He sat beside me. Then he proceeded to swim and float with me all day.  He with his truncated yet sexily Mediterrenean-accented English, me with my pathetic unintelligible pidgin Arabic. We laughed like teen-agers. He 34, me 40. What ensued were inundations of SMS poetry exchanges, *blushes*, perfumed togetherness. I would later call him Tutti Beiruti (as inspired by my friend Susan). I would also call myself-laughing out loudly here- a Cougar! This was another H O T  month. I need not elucidate further.

Tutti Beiruti taking refuge under a shade from the sweltering 44ºc afternoon from Wadi Bani Khalid, a lush oasis/river bed we visited.

AUGUST

This month rocked! This month I saw my *star* shine big and bright. Why? based on years of experience of Global Ed teaching in Japan and inspired by fellow Global Educators, I designed a Global Education Curriculum (based on what a Global Classroom should be like), for Young Learners at my school. The pilot project proved to be a hit. It felt very good to be able to contribute something for the kids' global citizenship. There is a tremendous flow of goodness from the heart when one can empower another. I certainly felt proud not because I achieved something, but because I could help the children ask good questions about global issues and hopefully make them think of solutions and actions in the future. Maybe not now, but I fervently hope that I have made an impact on the 

way they would see their less fortunate global brothers and sisters.

"Heiwa" means Peace, in Japanese. I taught the students the song IMAGINE by John Lennon.  

August also saw me observe Ramadan. As it is my first time living in a Muslim country, I am finding it  very humbling to experience -though not necessarily fasting- this holy month of purification. Now that is almost over (it started August 19th and will end on September 19th), I have a better understanding of the steadfast faith that my Muslim brothers and sisters behold.  

( I will be writing my Ramadan reflections later, as well as other observations.)

And so there you have it... Intdiva's Oman life to date. The Fourth Decade is off to a great start already! In the spirit of love and all that jazz, here's toasting to a great life!

The Look of Love

" Teacher, have you ever been in love?" asks one of my male Omani students, Khalil, in class tonight. In my busy-ness of looking out for other students in the class (we were in the computer lab), his question actually caught me by surprise. In 1/2 a moment, I  taken aback. I nonchalantly answered, "many times, Khalil." Now it was his turn to be surprised. The look in his eyes were priceless for he couldn't believe that I said that. "But teacher, you can only love a person once. If that man doesn't love you or you don't love that man, then that is it. You don't love another one." To which I replied, "Oh no, Khalil, once you loved and he's gone, you can always love another one." To which he disagreed of course, for this young man of 24 is all about LOVE and 'the one and only'.  This candid retort went on for a few minutes, when I finally decided that this topic is getting a bit personal for the classroom environment, and that my replies/opinions on serial loving might be offensive to the culture.

You see, Khalil and another student, a female Omani named Ruqaiya have been 'in love' in my class for some time now.  It is quite cute how they started out as couple. But much to my chagrin, a relationship of which depth I couldn't fathom. 

One day last week, Ruqaiya, a lovely lass of 24, who is always  decked in colourful sheila (head scarf) and fashionable abaya (black cloak worn by women in the Gulf countries) calls me into the classroom privately with Khalil, the handsome lad of 24 who works as an aviation engineer who loves English but is baffling sometimes with his pronunciation of such words. So here's the 3 of us before the class started, behind closed doors:

R: "Teacher, we have something to tell you. We are getting married." 

J: (gulp) "Who, you and Khalil?"

R: "Yes, teacher. We love each other."

J: (still gulping) " When did you start dating... errr,  have you gone out?"

R: "No teacher, we have not gone out together. Oh no teacher, we cannot go out just the two of us. We just see each other here in school and send one another text messages".

J: (gulped even bigger) " Oh? so how do you know you want to marry each other?"

Suddenly, Khalil interjects: "Teacher, when I first saw Ruqaiya, I thought she's the girl I want to marry."

J: (scratching her head, forehead in knots), " Why?"

K: I don't know teacher, she's beautiful. It's her smile. It's her beauty. It's unforgettable.

(Teacher cannot decide whether these comments are romantic or plain corny.)

J: "So because of that you want to marry? I thought in Oman you must marry your cousin. Can you marry someone outside the family? "

K & R: (in unison) "YES! Teacher we believe in love!"

J: " But you've never actually gone out on a date. You just decided based on SMS texts that you love one another and that you want to marry each other?"

K&R: (a resounding..) "YES!"

J: (finally realizing the folly of her questions...) So, when do you want to get married?

R: "When Khalil comes to my house and asks my parents for permission."

J: " When will that be?"

R: "Inshallah ( the arabic word for 'God -willing') teacher, soon...!

J: (finally surrenders...) " Well, congratulations to you too then."

K & R: " Thank you teacher. Please come to our wedding."

At first, I though that that was the most absurd thing I've ever heard. That because this couple's both so young that this may be the first time they' ever fallen in love. Lust I don't know for I 've read somewhere that Omani males prefer their brides to be virgins and there's supposed to be quite a production 'deflowering' on the first night. I don't know. I don't want to go there now.

Obviously,  this couple is plain "in love". Innocent but love nonetheless. I thought of different world society's many expectations of what is a couple supposed to do and a litany of prerequesites they must have in order to be married. Not in the case of Ruqaiya and Khalil. Sans drama, they decided since they like each other, that they want to be married. Conservative? Maybe. Simple yes. Drama-free, definitely! Beautiful, absolutely!

Two people who are fond of each other decide at the moment to be together forever. We've all been there. I have been there too. For me, it was at the magical age of 21. But I never did marry that man for I lived in a different time, different circumstances and different culture. Two people in the here and now decide to love one another. Is anything more fantastic than that? So what if they're seemingly innocent? So many times I felt and thought that way with several men in my life. But the difference between me and my young couple students is that I wasn't as committed as they are. Not to myself,  not to anyone. This was my downfall in my youth. Still I am a work in progress in terms of the "C " word. Ruqaiya and Khalil kinda' inspires me actually. 

They are in the moment.

So what if they change their young minds tomorrow? The fact that they're fearless to express their hormone-infused affections is enough. Be free to express I always encourage my students. Nobody is always in the same element. We are always changing every moment so why not be free to express how you are now? Life is only as good as we capture it- in the Present.

Have I ever been in love? Many times! I don't believe that we can limit loving to one person.  My friend Matt commented that I may be guilty of polyamory for I have actually simultaneously loved. And I have loved both single and married men.And I have been loved in return by both single and married men.  I've loved them online and offline too. They came in different colors, in different sizes and in different voices.  I've loved loved loved, laughed laughed laughed  and I've cried cried cried cried. It's all part of the package. No one is exempt, for when there's joy there's also pain. Cliché as that may sound. But sounds every bit true to the core! I must say I've had a fantastic time at loving!

 Khalil's question reverberated in my mind for a few hours after the class. I reflect on this question with much candour. As I approach my 40th birthday in less than a week, I am confronted by the reality that I have indeed loved many men, a couple of whom remain close to my heart to this day. No, make that three, for I have met someone here in Oman whom I consider my 'soulmate' yet whom I cannot be with. Not in that sense anyway. There seems to be a bit of a bittersweet feeling though that I have been on a solo flight for a reason. I don't understand it and I don't know why. But I have come to accept it.

Maybe God has better plans. She better does.

Khalil and Ruqaiya's honey-melting glances of love in the classroom is cute. Heart-warmingly corny. Yet, it inspires me that love is all around. And that love is always here and there, even when you're not looking. 

For all I know, love may be actually looking at me already.

Slow down baby...

I love the desert. Last month my soulsistah friend Nina from Canada visited me here in Muscat. One of my former Omani students who would become my soulfriend, Yahya, took us out to the desert. It was my first time in the Red Desert. I bonded with the red sands of Wahiba (Sharqiyah Desert). At one particular moment of contemplating the sands, I felt that time stood still. And simultaneously questioned myself,  what's the rush in life? And what is there to hold on to? Like the sands in the desert that seem to dissolve into thin air as the wind blows, so will all the other events in life: past, present, future. These events become rarefied. Like a dream.  I love the desert not only for its sheer purity and beauty, but also for the gifting me that moment. 

So...in keeping with the Taking It S L O W theme-

Here is groovy message from a page that I randomly turned to from one fabulous book, "Celebrating Love" by H.H.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

On The Path

Often you are in a rush in life.  When you are in a rush, you are unable to perceive things properly.  This takes the charm, thrill and beauty from your life.  You can never be close to the truth when you are in a rush because your perception, observation and expression becomes distorted.  

The rush to enjoy robs the joy from life and only denies the happiness and freedom of here and now. 

Often you do not even know why you are in a hurry.  It almost becomes a biological phenomenon to be in a rush.  Wake up and become aware of the rush in you!

It is ridiculous to be in a rush to slow down.  Just be aware of the rush and it will take care of itself.  Slowing down does not mean procrastinating or being lethargic, though it is easy to be at the extremes of either rushing or lethargy.  Rushing is caused by feverishness, and feverishness arises out of deficiency, a need to achieve.  Dynamism is an expression of fulfillment.  The golden rule is to be awake, and when you are awake, you cannot help but be dynamic.

The moment you realize that, you are awake.

Wow. Yours truly is doing her best to be wide awake then.

Tour-de-FOURS

I have been in Oman for four months now. Four months this fourth month. And what a beautiful journey it has been. Life has not been without its ups and downs, yet the last little while proved time and again that I am responsible for my choices in life. I am truly enjoying it so far... I wish I had updated in the last four months, but life in a new place with new people and new everything does take a lot of energy. Everyday I have to replenish my reserves! I have been busy adjusting and living in my new-found environment. I have also met a lot of good people.  Soul friends for now and Soul friends for life. 

I am taking a good look at my Royal Life Anew and I am liking what I'm seeing!

I am back on track now. It is my intention to record moments of wonder and awe as well as angst and disgust! Pura Inspiração is back and it's alive and kickin'. I'm getting jiggy with it!

So here are a few samples of what it has been like so far. Definitely more next time!

   My awesome Omani students
Muttrah Souq
The commanding Fort 
A different perspective...
Holy Friday bonding

Alhamdulillah ... 

(Thanks be to God)