The Look of Love

" Teacher, have you ever been in love?" asks one of my male Omani students, Khalil, in class tonight. In my busy-ness of looking out for other students in the class (we were in the computer lab), his question actually caught me by surprise. In 1/2 a moment, I  taken aback. I nonchalantly answered, "many times, Khalil." Now it was his turn to be surprised. The look in his eyes were priceless for he couldn't believe that I said that. "But teacher, you can only love a person once. If that man doesn't love you or you don't love that man, then that is it. You don't love another one." To which I replied, "Oh no, Khalil, once you loved and he's gone, you can always love another one." To which he disagreed of course, for this young man of 24 is all about LOVE and 'the one and only'.  This candid retort went on for a few minutes, when I finally decided that this topic is getting a bit personal for the classroom environment, and that my replies/opinions on serial loving might be offensive to the culture.

You see, Khalil and another student, a female Omani named Ruqaiya have been 'in love' in my class for some time now.  It is quite cute how they started out as couple. But much to my chagrin, a relationship of which depth I couldn't fathom. 

One day last week, Ruqaiya, a lovely lass of 24, who is always  decked in colourful sheila (head scarf) and fashionable abaya (black cloak worn by women in the Gulf countries) calls me into the classroom privately with Khalil, the handsome lad of 24 who works as an aviation engineer who loves English but is baffling sometimes with his pronunciation of such words. So here's the 3 of us before the class started, behind closed doors:

R: "Teacher, we have something to tell you. We are getting married." 

J: (gulp) "Who, you and Khalil?"

R: "Yes, teacher. We love each other."

J: (still gulping) " When did you start dating... errr,  have you gone out?"

R: "No teacher, we have not gone out together. Oh no teacher, we cannot go out just the two of us. We just see each other here in school and send one another text messages".

J: (gulped even bigger) " Oh? so how do you know you want to marry each other?"

Suddenly, Khalil interjects: "Teacher, when I first saw Ruqaiya, I thought she's the girl I want to marry."

J: (scratching her head, forehead in knots), " Why?"

K: I don't know teacher, she's beautiful. It's her smile. It's her beauty. It's unforgettable.

(Teacher cannot decide whether these comments are romantic or plain corny.)

J: "So because of that you want to marry? I thought in Oman you must marry your cousin. Can you marry someone outside the family? "

K & R: (in unison) "YES! Teacher we believe in love!"

J: " But you've never actually gone out on a date. You just decided based on SMS texts that you love one another and that you want to marry each other?"

K&R: (a resounding..) "YES!"

J: (finally realizing the folly of her questions...) So, when do you want to get married?

R: "When Khalil comes to my house and asks my parents for permission."

J: " When will that be?"

R: "Inshallah ( the arabic word for 'God -willing') teacher, soon...!

J: (finally surrenders...) " Well, congratulations to you too then."

K & R: " Thank you teacher. Please come to our wedding."

At first, I though that that was the most absurd thing I've ever heard. That because this couple's both so young that this may be the first time they' ever fallen in love. Lust I don't know for I 've read somewhere that Omani males prefer their brides to be virgins and there's supposed to be quite a production 'deflowering' on the first night. I don't know. I don't want to go there now.

Obviously,  this couple is plain "in love". Innocent but love nonetheless. I thought of different world society's many expectations of what is a couple supposed to do and a litany of prerequesites they must have in order to be married. Not in the case of Ruqaiya and Khalil. Sans drama, they decided since they like each other, that they want to be married. Conservative? Maybe. Simple yes. Drama-free, definitely! Beautiful, absolutely!

Two people who are fond of each other decide at the moment to be together forever. We've all been there. I have been there too. For me, it was at the magical age of 21. But I never did marry that man for I lived in a different time, different circumstances and different culture. Two people in the here and now decide to love one another. Is anything more fantastic than that? So what if they're seemingly innocent? So many times I felt and thought that way with several men in my life. But the difference between me and my young couple students is that I wasn't as committed as they are. Not to myself,  not to anyone. This was my downfall in my youth. Still I am a work in progress in terms of the "C " word. Ruqaiya and Khalil kinda' inspires me actually. 

They are in the moment.

So what if they change their young minds tomorrow? The fact that they're fearless to express their hormone-infused affections is enough. Be free to express I always encourage my students. Nobody is always in the same element. We are always changing every moment so why not be free to express how you are now? Life is only as good as we capture it- in the Present.

Have I ever been in love? Many times! I don't believe that we can limit loving to one person.  My friend Matt commented that I may be guilty of polyamory for I have actually simultaneously loved. And I have loved both single and married men.And I have been loved in return by both single and married men.  I've loved them online and offline too. They came in different colors, in different sizes and in different voices.  I've loved loved loved, laughed laughed laughed  and I've cried cried cried cried. It's all part of the package. No one is exempt, for when there's joy there's also pain. Cliché as that may sound. But sounds every bit true to the core! I must say I've had a fantastic time at loving!

 Khalil's question reverberated in my mind for a few hours after the class. I reflect on this question with much candour. As I approach my 40th birthday in less than a week, I am confronted by the reality that I have indeed loved many men, a couple of whom remain close to my heart to this day. No, make that three, for I have met someone here in Oman whom I consider my 'soulmate' yet whom I cannot be with. Not in that sense anyway. There seems to be a bit of a bittersweet feeling though that I have been on a solo flight for a reason. I don't understand it and I don't know why. But I have come to accept it.

Maybe God has better plans. She better does.

Khalil and Ruqaiya's honey-melting glances of love in the classroom is cute. Heart-warmingly corny. Yet, it inspires me that love is all around. And that love is always here and there, even when you're not looking. 

For all I know, love may be actually looking at me already.